Happiness can be found in the rituals of our relationship

When we can’t anticipate something exciting like an overseas holiday, what joy is there amongst the grind? may be some people’s thinking. However, instead of assuming that our partner has to keep providing the excitement, the alternative is to choose to nurture our own relationship by being more aware of what the relationship needs.  Robert Waldinger, a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical school became director of the Study of Adult Development in 2005 and he is the fourth steward of the research, which began in 1938, on what makes us happy. The key finding is that relationships don’t just make us happy but they also help us weather the unhappy times. Knowing how to put more into your relationship and create more attentive rituals may help you sustain your relationship and feel happier.

What rituals help make our relationship happier?

1. The goodbye ritual – making sure you say farewell in the morning preferably accompanied by a kiss and re-establishing your bond when you return home is a small significant step for feeling closer
2. We all know about celebrating birthdays and milestones and those rituals help you keep the thread of positivity in your relationship.
3. The holiday ritual – do you go to the same place every year or do you eagerly anticipate the big planning session around holiday destinations?
4. The date night ritual is important but what about your own peculiar silly rituals that only the two of you know about – special words, the cheer for your sporting team, nicknames for people you know – that improve your unique bond

Professor Waldinger says that working on the study has helped him pay more attention to his own life. As an example, he says he used to let his wife run his social life and now he’s more careful about his own relationships and keeping them up. His wife is no longer the outsourcing of his social commitments simply telling him where to be.  He says the good life is complicated for everyone and that not everyone is happy all the time. However, times when we feel more disconnected from others, through death of family members or moving to a new place, makes life harder for people. This study certainly points out the correlation between our bodily health and our relationship health and 84 years of data has solidified their conclusions, so applying rituals to your relationship may help.